Hi Best Possies !
So….I’m a Mommy!!! Whaa..? You didn’t know?? I totally made that announcement here!
But anyhoo, I love saying those words so much !
I’m A Mommyyyy!
Like I, Me… am a mother to a whole yummy human… my Sweet Baby !! LOL! My hubs loves to poke fun at me when I say that “I have a whole human..”. But do I mind him? No…
Anyways I digress.
Sidenote: Mommy Brain is REALLLL!!! Air kiss and iphone emoji awkward face sorry to everyone I owe a call, text, hangout, all’at. Maybe after you read this blog you will totally feel a pitter patter in your cardiac region for me and every new mommy out there.
So, being a new mommy is honestly, truly, NO JOKES… one of the hardest things in this life. hands down.
Guys I’ve studied for the MCATS, gone to Nursing School, done p90x and insanity workouts… I’ve gone through the long stressful and arduous process of saving up for and buying a home… I am a trauma nurse… blah blah…. nothing compares to motherhood. Nothing!
Do I love it? Absollluuuteellly.
Do I have down to a perfect science? Ha ha ha. Extra Ha!
Motherhood is like a lifelong class that you just keep being present for whether you like it or not and you just keep learning and getting better hopefully and honestly…
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Motherhood is an amazing path… But I have noticed something terribly appalling along the way.
Some PEOPLE do NOT really know how to treat/talk to new mothers!!!
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Like its 2019 !!! Come onnnn people!
But calm down, I got you per usual. Trust me!! it was not until I became a Mom that I realized that I TOO have committed some of these faux-pas I mention below! Didn’t anybody tell me though. But like I said.
I got you boo.
Grab something cool to drink and let’s gooo…..
How to Treat A New Mommy!
- Realize what is going on – don’t be ignorant! Don’t ask to visit a new mom at weird dumb hours like you used to when she was sans bump ! Yes she used to be a par-ty animal but she has a whole child now. BE considerate. Also don’t ask dumb things like “when are you having another one?” or stare awkwardly at her belly that isnt flat like Beyonce’s. Chile’ we don’t all have personal dietitians and trainers !!!
- Offer love, encouragement and kind words. ALWAYS. We new mothers do not get tired of hearing that we are strong. Truth be told, we mostly do NOT feel strong. I know, personally, the first few weeks after I gave birth to my sweet baby, I was in pain, I felt shapeless, engorged, and just u-g-l-y (you dont got no alibi…remember that rhyme ? ok im done). I was happy! don’t get me wrong…and so grateful. but it was the kind words of encouragement from my community that kept me from going under.
(sidenote: you guys know who you all are. I love you ALL).
- INCLUSION: Always remember to ask after us mamas too. Yess the baby is flipping cute and adorable, yesss ! But we exist too, ya dig? That invitation to that brunch with friends? Invite us! Even if we very well might say No…Uhm Still ! Hello, we are proper humans too !
- Really listen & Really care. We just came off a truly earth-moving mind blowing experience. We internally (or externally) scream in the bathroom after we get naked. LOL! A whole human lived in us for a LONG TIME and now is earth side. Trust me, as a new mom with heightened emotions, we can tell who is really FOR us and who is just trying to get a baby selfie and be on their way. We’re too tired sometimes to respond.
(please stay tuned to the end of this blogpost for shout out real examples of this point!)
- Give her a break – Ask “How can I help” and mean it ! – and we need help. Thank God for grandmas, grandpas, aunties and uncles. For me, my sweet mommy in love was up for a short time before she had to go back to work. Except for you have a live-in situation, people leave. And Mama’s are by themselves. And MOST times, baby ONLY wants MAMA. So when you visit…. Get her water, Cook, Clean, Laundry, Get groceries, Buy food or a snack….. (I have a whole new blog post on this for sure).
- Prepare for the unexpected – sometimes we will fall asleep, sometimes the visit will abruptly end because of a poopy explosion or a sleepy baby or she’s hungry or we might suddenly get engorged and need to pump…. our new lives are honestly unpredictable. I have found that the best thing to say in these circumstances is “how can i help?” or “are you okay?”.
- Pray for us– Truly ! There is nothing more touching than being covered in true earnest prayer from a kind genuine soul. It goes a long way.
So.. Which one…or two… will you do today!?
Until next time,
Awele Charlene M-A
–My best friend Nik sent me an AMAZING face care kit when I gave birth to my sweet baby, and I cried like a baby when it came in the mail. (hormones!) She really listened to me complain about how pregnancy took a toll on my skin color and came to my rescue. I love you my forever sisterbae!
–My sister, Winnie, came over one day and sent me away promptly to get a massage. I never told her I cried and cried before I left the car, just overwhelmed with LOVE. (again, hormones!)
–Or My sister Mimi who brought a suitcase and FOOD and stayed over a weekend with me and baby!
— Or my sissy in love, Bee, who brought my favorite snacks & stayed over to help with me and baby!
–Or my hubby who takes the baby and sends me to go self-care and relax!
–Or my Snizz from philly who brought me food or my Mo who would just sit and gist with me!
I could go ONNNN and ONNNN….. but These are just a FEW of MANNNY ways I have and still receive love from my community!!!)